There are angels among us

It’s hard to believe but the first born nephew, Branson James, in the Thayer family has been gone for 4 years. I close my eyes and am sitting on the floor of our Orchards rental house... I’m heavy in grief... tears and wailing come in waves... Aiden can’t stop asking me why I’m so sad...then he walks over and plays with the trains on the train table...  My parents come to take the boys away, Aaron has to get to school, and Lisa arrives to hold me while I sob. Somehow I get outside and she has to hold me up because my knees buckle underneath me. It’s pure and true sadness like I’ve never felt before. I remember shaking while dialing Jessica’s number- I knew she wouldn’t answer but I felt like maybe if I heard at least her voice in her voicemail that would make me feel closer to Branson. I don’t know what I said but I left a message. I also don’t know how (or why!) I got to work, but I know I didn’t get anything done. I spend at least an hour crying with a friend and colleague but after that I it’s all a fog... that is until that weekend when I walked into Reid and Jess’ house, into their bathroom, and hugged Jessica like I never have before. She was in a fog too, but at least I felt like I was closer to Branson. I wasn’t ready to let go. He was gone.. for day Branson was gone... but I wasn’t ready... no one was. Christmas was wonderful that year- so much fun and laughter, reading , singing and games- in fact that was the year of headbands- and although Branson couldn’t play, I remember him wearing one of those silly headbands forever... in fact here is one of my favorite pictures from that Christmas... Just makes me smile and giggle a bit too! Branson’s laugh, and often squeal, was just infectious- if Branson got going, everyone would end up laughing too!

Here’s another of my favorite from Christmas 2013... seems so long, yet just moments away...

The years have past and the tears fade away- but not the memories! Any time a story crosses my mind, I honor Branson and share it with someone! It usually puts me in a fit of laughter, but sometimes the tears come... I miss you so, Branson James, but each time I tell a story it ends with: “Branson is our angel! He is running and dancing and singing in heaven like he never could here, bound by too many earthly problems! I can’t wait for that reunion!”